All Hail the Brain God, Hated by Many

Made for a very special man, Mr. Shmakob Shmattingherd, this period piece will never be seen in any book or magazine, oh no, this can only be seen right here and at a very secret, a very secluded private residence, buried deep, deep in the shadows of the forest glade of your hometown, unless it isn't your hometown, in any event you can't see it IRL, whether you want to or not.

Bad Art

By Millie Cindzer

22 B.A.E.

A soldier from some long forgotten war, or some war that has a long time yet to be forgotten, making his long way back home before he is forgotten...yet.

Livin' in the Sub-Blurbs

An early work by Scott Rideout, this mix of watercolor and collage was fairly typical of the artist's collegiate efforts. In an interview with the Smith-Greggor Junction Herald he was quoted as saying, "I have always been uncomfortable with the overt machismo that permeates our culture. Everywhere you go it seems to hover thick in the air, like you are constantly re-entering the same hellish sauna. It's built into the structures we inhabit and move through. Every second that tics by there is some sick individual out there perverting human sexuality, turning it into an oppressive form. I know it might sound neurotic, but you can't walk outside, turn on the TV, or shop in a store without getting whacked in both your retinas by aggressive masculine forms. It's tiresome at best." This piece is owned by the G.S. Hoss Gallery.

Impasse

So a newlywed couple is walking through a treacherous mountain pass and they come across a dragon, okay? And the dragon says, "alright you two nutballs, I am going to eat one of you, so quit your sniveling and just relax because that isn't going to change. But you're lucky, see, because I am going to let the two of you lamebrains decide which one of you is going to take the scenic route through my digestive tract, okay?" Well, the newlywed couple didn't like this too much, right, because they had just gotten married and they had made one or two long term plans as a result of that. So one of them gets up real close to the dragon's earhole and says "Hey, buster, you don't want to eat my mate, because he snores and his breath smells like a dying turd, and I'm pretty sure he's got worms." The dragon turns this around in his dragonbrain for a while and then looks at the newlywed and says, "Well, that decides that. Do you need to use the restroom before I gobble you up, because to be honest, it's just going to be better for the both of us if you take care of that right now." And before the dragon can slap its gabbers on that newlywed the other newlywed jumps up to the dragon's other earhole and says, "Wait a minute, jack, you sure as a sump-pump don't want to eat my mate. She soaks her face and toes in brine, and I think she eats her own hair, and she twitches whenever somebody says forklift." The dragon loses his appetite in a hurry and he says, "Wow, you two beetlebutts have some real problems, you know? Makes me think fondly of my failed marriage. Might I suggest a visit to divorce court? It's right through this treacherous mountain pass." The newlywed couple stares at each other and their eyes get real narrow-like, the type of angry glare that could cut a diamond, and they say, "I think that's a great idea!" And they walk right past that dragon with its earholes and dragonbrain, mumbling and grumbling the whole time. In fact, they fight most of the way to divorce court and then they make up and live a fairly happy life as shrimp farmers, and that's the fake story.

Be Very, Very Quiet

Two travelers from a distant land running for their lives. When one finds oneself in a hostile environment alone it can be very difficult to pull oneself together, and these two adventurers are lucky enough to have each other to rely upon. If the lumbering sentinel should happen to spot the two rats-out-of-their-hole then it could be curtains for the both of them, but at least they would both go down knowing that their buddy was right by their side. Then again, what if they get plucked up, dragged back to N.S.C.C. and separated, tortured, and interrogated. Would their loyalty remain steadfast? I'd like to think that it would, but don't ask me, I don't know the answer.

Splish-Splash

A statue of an old troublemaker that has been explored in previous drawings. A young woman on a quest with a new companion. Where does this nasal doorway lead?

Here is a drawing from Scott Rideout. He says that it is for a joint project between him and Millie Cindzer, but it seemed good enough to post up here on its own, mainly because our standards are pretty low here at FORCES, Unltd. Have you ever wondered what it would be like to shrink your psyche down until it can fit through a pinhole and then bounce on your own pupil like its a giant trampoline? Well, thanks to a new method of meditation and some old technology this is maybe a possibility! All you need is a flashlight and a bowl and to follow these basic steps: 1. Pick a fixed point on a blank wall (preferably white or black) and shine your flashlight at it. 2. Place your bowl on your lap. 3. Lower your bottom lip so that a slow, but steady stream of saliva is flowing from your mouth. 4. Stare at the fixed point for seventeen hours.

Hang In There

Feeling So Good (Don't Touch Me, Brah)

This is a prototype for a real-life arcade-game marquee, by Scott Rideout. Imagine a world where people's most basic desires are met by staring at a DataScreen. Alls ya hafta do is place your right hand on the liminal orb and calibrate your retinal subfield and WHOOSH! you are off on a not quite whelming trip of emotional placidity. No need to pack your bags, just lean forward and relax!

Relaxing in the Dark

Millie Cindzer is a real hoot and she is always busting out of the gates like a springy-snake out of a fake beer-nuts can. Today she brings us a futuristic image that is from the past. H. G. Wells once asked her for the time, and she sure showed him. Outlived him by 76 years! And counting! But herein lies the problem with time travel, what actually happened? Nobody knows! Whatever you do, don't think "rave beats," unless you are currently on ecstasy.

A Lesson in Dramatic Theory: The Fourth Act

Here is another cyber-collage from famed and tamed FORCES artist, Alana Ponui. She has unveiled to us a story in four parts. What we are dying to know is this: who out there knew how the story was going to end? Who among you, sallow-skinned and myopic, with squishy and gushy body, dared to guess that such a predictable conclusion would be drawn? Well, we give you kudos, a token of our very mild astonishment. We are giving out kudos either way, actually. You receive kudos just for participating. Those of you who didn't think one way or the other about it also receive kudos, but not the kudos that carry honor and praise, No! You, who wander through life without the ability to see what might come next, for you we are giving the type of kudos that are made of granola and chocolate, the type of kudos that come in the form of a bar that you get at the end of soccer practice. To receive these kudos please send FORCES Unltd. $3.46 via paypal along with your address and flavor preference.

A Blasta from Mt. Pasta

Here is something that we ab-lo to do here at FORCES U. This is a drawing from an ooooooooooold sketchbook of Scott Rideout's. In the email this drawing was attached to Scott wrote a note: "Remember this one? Wanna grab a bite l8r, after I get done soaking my abscess?" Our response: "no. sure."

Riverside, CA